My poetry book is now available for purchase!

I guess it has been available for a while now, but due to some issues that needed resolving and *life stuff* (sigh!), I’ve delayed announcing it. I hope you give it a chance and leave an honest review when you can. Without further ado, here it is:

41uhdr784el._sx311_bo1204203200_What Have You Done to the Angel?

Buy in Amazon | Buy Kindle eBook | Goodreads

What have you done to the angel?
Why have you injured her wings?
The bliss of her smile has faded.
Her hands have been soiled by your sins . . .

Inspired by personal emotions and her dark imaginations, Sathepine Marco shares a compilation of poems penned during her teenage and young adult years when she was gripped with angst, depression, and heartaches. As she leads others through her darkness, Sathepine invites introspective reflection while sharing a glimpse into her own heart and soul as she grappled with all that accompanied pain and sadness, sometimes conveying them through angels and demons with her words.

What Have You Done to the Angel? shares a thought-provoking collection of poetry that allows anyone who has suffered heartache to know that they are not alone.

Buy in Amazon | Buy Kindle eBook | Goodreads

Note: This is not a religious book, in case you may be misled because the title included the term “angel”. I am an atheist, but I prefer not to shame or judge people solely because their beliefs are different from mine, religious or otherwise. However, there are a couple of poems in the book that speaks to my struggle with faith written a long time ago. If you are curious about that, it may be worth reading, but please don’t buy it expecting it to be a religious book.

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Quarter Year Reading Wrap Up

Unfortunately this is a late post since we’re heading towards the middle of April now. But I want to talk about the books I’ve read so far and the current count is 9, which means I’m behind on my goal of 50 books for the year – but I do plan to catch up!

My TBR has changed as I added books I’ve received from the Indiecember Giveaway pack and prioritized them. I managed to read one book from my initial TBR, though, which had consisted of 5 books. I also read books that were not on my TBR out of curiosity… I guess I needed to discipline myself.

My current TBR will be a different post, but here are the books that I’ve read as of the end of March, a little synopsis on them, and my overall thoughts.

23635434The World of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin / Elio M. Garcia Jr. / Linda Antonsson. It took me a while to finish this book, but I managed to finish it before deciding on my TBR. This is a fictional history book on the rich lore of the “A Song of Ice and Fire” series told from the perspective of a maester. Like a real history book, some parts were boring, but I’d say 70% is quite interesting and in fact intriguing. This definitely makes me want to pick up Fire & Blood but I have a long list of books to read as of now, so it’s not really a priority. You don’t need to read this book to enjoy or understand the books in the main series but I feel that it will enhance the experience especially if the world-building of the “A Song of Ice and Fire” series interests you.

26308563Echo Volume I, II, & III by Kent Wayne. Only the first volume was in my TBR but I continued with the series out of curiosity. This series actually contains four books, but I found myself stuck in what seemed like an endless loop of training montage in the middle of the fourth book, so I put it on-hold for a while. This is a sci-fi dystopian series with fabulous world-building centered around Kishchan Atriya as he struggles through action-packed missions full of tech and mech and discovers himself through magic and mind-bending philosophy. Not fond of all the “Old Earth” references because they distract me from the story, but the action, world-building, and the main character himself definitely makes this a wonderful read. So far, anyway.

35034255Reflections by Briana Morgan. This is the first book I received from the Indiecember Giveaway. This is about a young insecure girl, with past trauma, who encounters and joins a tribe of shapeshifters who helps her acquire the same ability, as she struggles to solve the mystery of girls being murdered in the woods, as well as learn to love and be confident with herself. I wish that the fantasy elements in this story was used more, but overall it is a decent read.

42946515Theonite: Planet Adyn by M. L. Wang. This is the first book of a series, the second of which I plan to read in the future. The main character finds herself with special abilities that no one else seem to have and she learns to harness and hide them, until she discovers that the new kid in class seem to have abilities too and may not even belong on the same planet. I enjoyed this book, especially the main character Joan who is so endearing, and will definitely want to continue the journey with her.

40220795Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas. Was not in my TBR but picked it up out of curiosity. This follows an imprisoned young assassin who is given a chance to gain her freedom by competing in a tournament against other mercenary-type warriors, while finding herself in a romance with the prince, and trying to solve murders occurring in the palace. This book was a struggle to me because the main character was poorly written as an assassin, romance was bland, and the resolution of the mystery wasn’t particularly compelling. However, I did enjoy the main character as a teenager, as well as two other characters, and the glimpse of the magical lore intrigued me. Overall, it wasn’t a waste of time and I do plan to read the next book in the series someday as I do want to follow the characters as well as learn more about the lore.

41139191Reciprocity by Sean M. Locke. A very unique story set in a dark sci-fi world about a lesbian mafia goon who finds herself in the middle of a gang war as she helps a noblewoman retrieve a dangerous family weapon prototype off the streets, and falls for her in the process. The writing is slick and clever, the world-building is captivating, and the characters are cool and complex. Thoroughly enjoyed this book and very happy to know that the author himself confirmed that there will be a sequel because the two main characters of this story definitely deserves it.

44172434Swinging Sanity by N. F. Mirza. A poetry book where pain and darkness are beautifully expressed. From the title to the art to the words themselves, the book is an excellent package. My favorites are: “Clash of Extremes”, “Insomniac”, and “A Million Dead Stars”. This was also not part of my TBR but, once again, I picked it up out of curiosity. Totally worth it.

 

That’s it for now.

Thanks for reading!

Quick Review – Swinging Sanity

Swinging Sanity by N. F. Mirza

44172434When the author was struggling with loss, illness, oppression and a perpetual cycle of anxiety attacks and phases of depression, she spent day and night stabbing keys.

And out poured poetry.

When the abyss spat her out she strung together those mutilated verses and compiled this book for the world to read what it feels like when you are swinging between sanity and insanity.

 

REVIEW: Pain and darkness beautifully expressed | ★

From the title to the art to the words themselves, the book is an excellent package. The poetry captures the darkness of pain and madness beautifully. My favorites are: “Clash of Extremes”, “Insomniac”, and “A Million Dead Stars”.

Review originally posted on Amazon.

My poetry book…

Today I received digital proofs of my poetry book that is currently in the process of being published. It is titled “What Have You Done to the Angel?” based on my poem of the same name. It contains a few poems and some artwork by “Rezeile”. I don’t know yet when it will be released officially, but I do have the cover art.

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There are two versions: one big colored book with black pages, and one normal-sized black-and-white book with normal pages. This is because they can’t do a normal-sized colored book, for some reason, so I decided to have two versions.

In the beginning I was kind of excited, but now I feel a bit nervous because most of these poems are personal, especially during the time that I wrote them. Poetry is one way I deal with things, sometimes personal things.

One of the poems I wrote was for someone that I admired. He didn’t feel the same way but I accepted that and admired him anyway. I felt he was mature and witty and he made people laugh. He was a friend. But later on, I became closer to him due to circumstances, and I got to know the real him. I discovered he was kind of an asshole. He was in fact immature, takes advantage of people, and is pretentious. And this is in addition to what he did about me. I was already involved with someone else at that time, who was a friend of his and who respected him, but he basically tried to mess it up behind his friend’s back, telling me I should be with him instead, among other ugly things. My relationship with that guy was already “messed up” to begin with, so whatever he did didn’t have any impact at all LOL. I basically tolerated his behavior because he’s been my friend for years, but I really lost respect for him. In any case, I was unsure whether to include the poem or not because it was from the point of view of someone who admired him. In the end, I decided to include it. It was part of my past as much as the other poems were.

Other funny things happened about the exact same poem. I had posted it online and also shared it with other poets in the office through a poetry mailing list. My ex-boyfriend read it online and thought it was about him and I couldn’t seem to convince him that it wasn’t. And that’s not all. Some of the other poets in the office thought it was about my boss. It was annoying and amusing at the same time. But in hindsight I figured there’s probably some detail in the poem that might have applied to both my ex and my boss.

A lot of other memories came back to me when I read my old poems again, mostly negative memories because they were depressing poems. I’m definitely grateful that my circumstances are different now. Also, maybe I should write happier poems too…

I’m not doing anything official for this poetry book yet. Once I have details, I will definitely do more for it.

 

I’ve Noticed

We used to joke around and laugh
Like we were such good friends
Talked about dumb things
And things that were intense
But I’ve noticed you have changed
When you kept avoiding my eyes
Should I have talked to you,
Or would that have been unwise?

You used to be quite frank
Used to communicate
I wonder, did I do
Something that you hate?
Because I’ve noticed you have changed
We don’t talk anymore
Should I have talked to you,
Or have you closed the door?

Weren’t we good friends?
At what point did that end?
I’ve been dealing with so much
Couldn’t see beyond the bend
Didn’t notice you have changed
Until somebody asked
I could have talked to you
But it was too much a task

You’re such a nice person
It must have been my mistake
But I can’t be chasing friendships
When I’m drowning in my lake
I’ve noticed you have changed
But I don’t blame you for a bit
You could have talked to me
But maybe I wasn’t worth it

 

Tool

A tool to use when convenient
And discard when not
You don’t need to reward a tool
But you can let it rot

It doesn’t need your thank you’s
It will do its job
No need to bother whether
It cries or whines or sob

It doesn’t ask for sorry’s
And won’t require respect
It will do its job without
Its pride to protect

And if a tool is special
It is easy to abuse
And easy to forget that
It can break from overuse

And who would want to use
Such a broken piece
Can’t tolerate when you can
Count its flaws with ease

If you are going to be someone
Don’t be a fucking tool
You’ve trapped yourself and now
You’re just a broken fool

(Written some time ago when I was very frustrated and depressed at work.)

Curse

Immortality was the curse
That she thought was the prize
When she summoned that demon
With the gleam in her eyes
It was flesh and blood, she offered
Of pure innocent souls
For power, for eternity
And her wicked goals

Love was the curse
That she thought was the prize
For they all quickly loved her
With a gleam in their eyes
It was possession, she wanted
Of these beautiful souls
As they hauntingly praise
All her twisted goals

Time was the curse
That she thought was the prize
When a thousand years ended
The gleam in her eyes
It was flesh and blood, she offered
Of her own lonely soul
To the demon that grinned
At her desperate goal

Death was a curse
But to her, a prize
And she begged the demon
Who had a gleam in his eyes
Who shook his head No
At this poor tired soul
Who forever shall live
Yet never be whole

Wrote this to celebrate Halloween :)

Two Steps Back

One step forward
Two steps back
When I think I found the answer
I’m suddenly off-track

One step forward
Nice and slow
When I think I’ve got a starter
It’s a no go

One step forward
To success?
But can’t even get through
All this mess

One step forward
Counting days
And then a sucker punch
To the face

Can’t step forward
Can’t attack
Even just to try, I’m always
Two steps back

Trap

I knew it then, but didn’t care
So much to do, so much to bear
Just trudge along and do my thing
Gotta try to please the King

And try to endure Captain Unpleasant
And work the wings for Bumbling Bee
I’ve been through worse, I tell myself
So there’s no one to blame but me

I knew it then, but didn’t care
Heedlessly cycling this head affair
Into darkness and out of it
Grab onto light that’s dimly lit

And I get a surprise but unpleasant
And there’s no one to blame but me
They don’t give warnings in this place
I must quickly pay the fee

I knew it then, but didn’t care
Got used to life being unfair
I knew that while I struggled not to snap
I’ve somehow laid myself a trap

And to get out is so unpleasant
And there’s no one to blame but me
Done my hardest but it’s not enough
I can no longer just let it be

You knew it then, but didn’t care
You still chose our lives to share
While I was caught in my own trap
You were ready to fill the gap

And it must have been quite unpleasant
To be entwined with a lifeless me
Yet still you carefully set your trap
That I’ve fallen into happily

Your beautiful black diamond trap
That we’ve fallen into happily